I went and saw Cats today; the movie not the Broadway show, unfortunately. I went in with the expectation that it was going to be terrible. I’d seen the trailers for it, I’d read the reviews of people who’d already seen it. I figured that if I went in with the idea that it was going to be awful already in my head and that I was going to be horrified that it wouldn’t be that bad.

I was incorrect.

There were absolutely some parts of the movie that were well done which I will get to later, but I just need to start out with all the other stuff first. Immediately after the credits happen, you begin to experience the characters in the show. I kept going back and forth between being amused and horrified every 5 minutes; I think I actually laughed out loud a couple times in the beginning of the movie because the CGI mixed with the way that the actors moved was so disturbing I didn’t know what else to do. The way that the actors are edited into their “fursonas” falls in such an uncanny valley spot that its next to impossible not to feel horribly uncomfortable when looking at them.

Half the time they walked on two legs like people and the other half of the time they crawled around the floor. Now, I’ve seen the musical, and its fantastic. I know how they move and how the dances are based around actual feline movements. That being said, something about having a CG tail that is incorporated into the choreography somehow makes it so much worse. The musical features a lot of fantastic dances that help exhibit each of the characters’ personalities through movement and that is part of what makes the show so amazing. But when you take a person dancing, in what I can only assume to be a green suit, and edit a full cat body on top of them it makes the dance moves seem edited as well. (Which they might be.) And honestly that defeats the purpose of a dancing based musical.

Now that’s out of the way. I need to talk about their toes. Is no one else going to talk about how despite the fact that they were fully edited to look like cats, they had PEOPLE FEET? I didn’t notice it until about halfway through the movie when Gus was singing his song. I leaned over to my friend I was with and said something along the lines of “holy shit, look at his toes.” I was never the same again. They don’t even bother to edit fur onto the feet, they just change the color of the skin to match the fur. Oh what’s that? You didn’t think I’d notice? Well I did. Thank you for my nightmare fuel.

After getting past the initial shock factor of how it all looked overall, I began to notice some of the poor casting choices. I think that some of the directors in Hollywood need to hear this because I don’t think anyone has told them before.

This is a musical. Hire. People. Who. Can. Sing. And. Dance.

Being in a movie and being in a musical are two VERY different things. First of all, it’s a very different type of acting. Second of all, it’s a very different type of singing. Third of all, it is a very different type of dancing. Period. Cast people who can do musicals, not someone that you think will bring crowds in to the movie. Overall, I’d say that most of the casting choices were either poor or mediocre at best, with very few being actually good choices.

By far the worst casting choice was Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots, featuring other mediocre choices such as Jason Derulo as the Rum Tum Tugger and Robbie Fairchild as Munkustrap. I won’t say that the butchering of those parts was entirely their fault (aside from Rebel Wilson); the sound editing was awful and made the singing voices sound odd and distorted but for whatever reason featured every breath and sniffle that each cat did throughout the entire movie. In the musical, the Rum Tum Tugger is one of my favorite characters, but in the movie, Jason Derulo did not do him justice and left me feeling dissatisfied. Quite honestly, I felt like most of those characters were not done justice in the movie and for whatever reason, (either casting choice, acting or singing ability, or weird editing) I felt pretty overall disappointed. Which is extremely unfortunate considering the entire musical is about the cats and their personalities.

That being said, there were some redeeming factors that the movie had to offer. Most of which being stand out performances of specific actors and actresses despite the bizarre editing. Oddly enough, being the exception to my rule of “hire thesbians for musicals”, James Corden did an amazing job as Bustopher Jones. His animation and vocal inflection were perfect not only for that character but also just for the way that the songs were intended to have been sung. Ian McKellen also did a fantastic job as Gus the Theatre Cat for similar reasons; the way that he played the character was exactly how I’d have expected someone to play Gus live on stage. Some other positive things about the movie included Laurie Davidson as Mr. Mistoffelees, the dancing and overall musical number around Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat, and Jennifer Hudson’s rendition of Memory.

Between the poor casting, bizarre editing, seemingly overall goal to make people uncomfortable, and general insult to my sensibilities as a thespian and a human, despite the redeeming parts, I’d say that the movie as a whole, is bad. Now, would I suggest that you go see it? If you haven’t seen the musical or don’t intend to, absolutely not. You will be uncomfortable for no reason. But if you have seen the musical and are expecting a good adaptation, still no. But finally, if you have seen the musical and are looking for a good chuckle and a lot of cringe-worthy moments, absolutely go ahead. There are some sweet and redeeming moments in the movie that made me smile but overall I’d have to say that I’d rate it somewhere around a 2 or 3/10.

Do yourself a favor and go see the live Broadway version, it’s much better.