The past couple days my roommate was out of town and my boyfriend was in Italy, so I was left to my own devices for about 72 hours give or take the time I was at my parents’ for Christmas. This was an interesting experiment for me considering that I’d never really lived alone and I’d always had at least a roommate that was in the same building as me and this was the first time that I was really by myself.

Before they left I did have some initial thoughts about how I anticipated it to go down. I assumed that I’d want to spend a lot of my time outside the apartment and with other people. I assumed that I’d be highly uncomfortable at night and have a hard time going to sleep. I assumed that I’d do a whole lot of nothing while I was at home. And I assumed that I’d have a hard time holding myself accountable for my responsibilities.

Here’s what actually happened.

I was uncomfortable at night. I don’t like the feeling of going to sleep in an empty house, I never have. I like knowing that at the very least there is another person in the house so that if there was an issue that I wouldn’t be completely alone. So, yes I was uncomfortable, but I was okay. I fell asleep fine and slept through the night despite the fact that it was out of my comfort zone. So I was pleasantly surprised about that.

The next thing that I thought would happen was that I’d want to spend a lot of my time outside the apartment, but that actually wasn’t true at all. As I get older I’ve learned to appreciate my own company more and more. Sure I still spent time with family and friends, but no more than I normally would under any other circumstance. I didn’t feel the need to always have someone over or to be out all the time among other human beings. There was some type of calm that I had being at the place by myself, knowing that I was in charge of my entire day. It’s very odd to me not to have someone to coordinate plans with, and while I absolutely prefer to have someone who knows what’s going on with my day, I didn’t mind having the time to myself.

I also thought that when I was at home by myself, that I’d do a whole lot of nothing. Which was partly true, but no more or less true than it would be with other people there too. Being at home is supposed to be relaxing so I would definitely do things like watch Netflix and play video games, but I also found myself being more up and about when I was alone. I did a lot more cleaning in a shorter amount of time, I got up and worked on projects I was doing, and I cooked for myself more. Of course that last one would have needed to get done regardless so I wouldn’t starve, but I didn’t just make ramen and sandwiches. I actually cooked for myself, and I felt good about it.

The last thing that I assumed was that I would have a hard time holding myself accountable for the things I needed to do. This was, again, partly true but only in the short term. I’d tell myself that I was going to do something in the morning one day and that may not have happened but it always got done before the day was over. So, I’d like to think that I’m more of a responsible person than I thought.

Part of what I’m trying to hold myself responsible for is putting out content; writing blogs, YouTube videos, TikTok content, all of that good stuff. And being the only person who it really affects if I put them out or not, it can be difficult to get my butt in motion and actually do the things. But, most surprisingly to me, it turns out that I can, and do, for the most part stick to an actual schedule when I’m alone. It may not seem like a huge thing, but for me it is a big deal because I finally feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing and the fact that I can make it happen is even more empowering.

Realistically, the biggest part of being a writer is continuing to create content, and it’s easy to get discouraged and distracted if results aren’t coming as quickly as you’d want them to. Especially if, like me, you tend to be down on yourself. But the fact that I’m doing it and being my own number one fan is a big step in the right direction. So as the holidays come to an end and the new year begins, I challenge you all to think about things that you’ve always wanted to do but have trouble holding yourself to. You never know how those things could change your life until you try and the hardest part is getting started.