About a year and a half ago I decided that I wanted to check out minimalism. Long story short, with the divorce and all the drama surrounding that, I moved probably around 3 times in the span of a single month. After packing and unpacking only to pack again and move somewhere else two more times I started to ask myself the important questions. Why the fuck do I have all of this stuff?

I honestly didn’t think I had that many things, I remember thinking to myself that I didn’t have nearly the amount of stuff that I knew other people had. The amount of stuff I was keeping was normal. But after moving so many times I started to look at individual pieces instead of the conglomeration of boxes, and realized that I didn’t actually care about most of the stuff I was lugging around.

It was at this point that I found Marie Kondo; with her adorable demeanor and weirdly addictive Netflix show, she had me convinced that if I decluttered my life that I would be happier. And she was actually right. That very week I went through each of my belongings one by one and sorted them into keep, donate, and throw out piles using the “does it spark joy?” technique. Through this method I ended up getting rid of 80% of my stuff; I know that is a huge percentage but what I found by going through everything, was that I didn’t actually care about most of my possessions and I was ready to let go of a lot more than I thought I would be able to.

Before minimalism, I was what I liked to call a “notorious shopper”; anytime I’d had a bad day or was bored, my solution was to go shopping. Buying a new item, without fail, would always make me feel better. Unfortunately for me, that shopping high would often only last until I got home and then whatever I had purchased would make its way to the pile of other things I’d bought on a whim when I was feeling down never to be seen again.

After purging my life of things I didn’t need or want anymore, I felt so much better, lighter even but strangely enough, my first instinct was to fill up the empty space I’d created with more stuff. The first thought that went through my head was going to undo all the work I’d just done and what for? So I could get the new collection of knick knacks at Target? Now, don’t get me wrong, Target, without fail, always has obscenely cute home decorations but before I drove across town to fill my car with more things that I probably didn’t need, for the first time when I was in the mood to shop, I paused. I sat there for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, and the urge passed.

Now, I’m not an expert on minimalism, nor am I an extreme minimalist. I have a lot more things than most minimalists would have, especially because I live with a non-minimalist, but these are some of the rules that I set for myself when I started practicing minimalism over a year ago that have really helped me.

1. Only keep the things that spark joy in your life. This one I stole from Marie Kondo and if you find yourself overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning you have to do on a daily basis or just want to declutter your house, I highly suggest binge watching her Netflix show and trying this out for yourself. When I went through all of my things one by one and kept only the things that sparked joy for me, not only did I have less to clean but I found myself surrounded only by things that made me happy on a daily basis. Nothing in our house is there just for the sake of decoration anymore, all the things we have here now are things we love that make us happy or have meaning.
2. When you get the urge to buy something, wait first. Historically, I have been an absurd impulse buyer; I am the person that stores put the little tempting additions in the checkout aisles for. I am that person who while waiting in line looks around and thinks to myself, “yes I need skittles and a deck of Magic the Gathering Cards”. It’s shameful really. Regardless, I’ve curbed a majority of my impulse buy purchases by following the rule of “wait”. If I feel the urge to go shopping for no reason, I will typically say to myself, “hang on, why would I be doing that? Is there something specific I need?” If the answer is no then I don’t go, or I wait a couple hours or even a day or two to see if I still want to go. If I’m already out shopping, I go with a list, and if I see something that is not on the list that I want, I will often just take a picture of it as a reminder that it’s there. Then later, if I still want it I can make the extra trip to the store to get it and more often than not, I forget about it completely.
3. Focus on what you want. This was one that I didn’t know that I had a hard time with until I started trying to figure out exactly what it was that I wanted. It took me a little while to figure out if I wanted certain things because I thought I should have them, if I thought they looked cute in other settings, or if they fit the aesthetic I wanted. And let me tell you, this is an ongoing struggle especially if you are one of those people who likes styles from a lot of different inspiration points, particularly in your wardrobe. As I continue to develop my style for clothing and home aesthetic, I need to keep this one in mind. It has taken a lot of effort and focus on self control on my part in the past year or so but I think I’m finally in the mindset of thinking about whether or not something I’m about to buy will fit into the life I have, the life I want, and the life I’m in the process of making. So, instead of buying something just because it’s cute or trendy, I think long and hard about if it’s exactly what I want or if I’m just settling.

I’m sure there are more rules that I’ve made for myself and thought processes that I have on a daily basis but that’s all I can think of right now. It’s really strange because looking back now, I have a hard time believing that I had more clothes than the ones that fit hung up in my closet. I distinctly remember the time when I had drawers just full of random things that I wanted to keep for one arbitrary reason or another but it also feels like it was lifetimes away. As someone who has a mind full of clutter all the time, I can say that it is really nice to know exactly where everything is in my house at any given time. Of course I still lose things but I know they’ll show up because I don’t have those places where I’d just throw things anymore and that’s very calming for me. I think that by decluttering my house and tailoring it more to what I want for my living space and life, it’s really helped me declutter my mind a lot and feel more comfortable in my skin and the space I created for myself.