Since I released an article on my abusive relationship, I think it’s only fair to write something recounting all the good things, green flags, if you will of my current, healthy relationships. I think its important to feature not only the red flags of abusive relationships but also the green flags of good situations. My boyfriend is truly a gem and while we may have our disagreements and spats as everyone does, I have never felt like I was anything less than an equal.

I want nothing more than to have everyone go into 2020 with relationships, romantic or otherwise, that are healthy and productive and supportive. I wish each and every one of you the support and love that you deserve, so please use these tips as a rule of thumb to make that happen for yourself this year!

1. They know how to apologize. This is a big one and I find that being able to apologize is not only a major green flag, but it is also a sign of maturity. And I’m not talking about “apologizing to make the problem go away”, I’m talking about being able to genuinely see when you’ve done something that has hurt the other person. Even if you may not think that what you did was that bad, understanding that you do not get to decide how the other person is supposed to feel and putting their feelings above your ego.
2. Honesty. Being able to talk to your partner about anything is one of the most important parts of being in a healthy relationship. Even though I was in that place a couple years ago, I have a hard time with the idea that people aren’t completely honest with their partners. Since being in a healthy relationship, I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I couldn’t talk to my boyfriend about everything. Having the respect and trust to talk to your partner about anything, I think is one of the biggest green flags you could ask for in a relationship.
3. Respecting your love language. My personal love languages are physical touch and quality time, in my previous relationship, those things were often neglected and even during the times they weren’t, they were used as bargaining chips to get me to do what he wanted. In my current relationship, those things are a given; even if we are upset or fighting, he would never intentionally withhold or abuse my love languages from me to make a point. If your love language is words of affirmation, your significant other would know that saying hurtful things to you is the way to get you to do what they want. That being said, while a red flag is someone who would use that against you, and a green flag would be someone who never crosses that line even if they’re upset because they love you and respect your boundaries.
4. Having a life separate from you. It is so important to remember that even though you’re in a relationship, that you’re still your own person. Having your own friends, hobbies, and interests is a must and the same goes for your partner. If you’re in a relationship with someone who’s entire existence revolves around you, that’s not going to end well. You should obviously be a priority but having interests and priorities separate from you is very healthy.
5. Supporting your personal growth. If your partner supports your personal growth regardless of what that looks like, that is a major green flag. There are people who will be supportive as long as its on their terms, but the second that it goes against what they want or how they see the relationship, they will be less than ecstatic. A true support system will support your personal growth if it’s what’s truly best for you regardless of what that looks like.

It’s hard sometimes to see relationships for what they are when you’re already in them; which is why red flags are important to be aware of. They can help snap you out of the honeymoon haze that surrounds most relationships especially when they’re starting. But for creating new relationships, green flags are great things to look for if you’re looking for people who will enrich your life and help you grow as a person.

As someone who was notorious for seeking out people who need help in loo of people who would enhance my life and support me, I can say that my life has really taken a turn for the better since I started considering myself as my priority. Part of treating yourself in the way you deserve is surrounding yourself with people who are good for you and will help make you better. I challenge each one of you to look for these green flags as you meet new people in this new year and consider making yourself a priority, because you deserve to be.

Happy New Year everyone!