I had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday; the panic of all the projects that I’d created for myself began to set in and I realized I wasn’t going to have time for all of them. When I realized that, I started to feel incompetent and insecure about everything I was doing. Apparently I felt as though, to justify what I was trying to do, I’d needed to do significantly more. I have no idea why I felt this way, but I get the feeling that a lot of content creators and artists can relate.

Getting started in this career path is really difficult, the market is already saturated and you really have to put in the work to make any kind of name for yourself at all. I felt like if I wasn’t busting my ass 24/7 and always working toward creating new projects and creative things then I wouldn’t be able to justify what I’m trying to do. When people would ask me what I did with my life, I was never quite sure where to begin. I felt like, if I just answered with the one or two things I was focusing on that hadn’t quite taken off yet, that I’d be viewed as a failure.

I am writing content for the blog everyday and it’s slowly gaining traction, which is what I would hope for, but it’s not at the point yet where I can call myself a full time blogger. I am working on a collection of essays for a memoir contest and that’s taking up a lot of my time, but I feel as though since that’s not actively producing views or money that I can’t open with that either. I’m also doing cosplays on TikTok and starting to post some of it on my Instagram and I am steadily gaining followers on TikTok but since posting some of my cosplays on my Instagram, I’ve actually lost followers.

I am trying to stay true to the content that I want to create and stop trying to follow the algorithm on each platform to gain followers because there’s no point in doing any of this if I’m not creating the content that I want to create. Of course increasing engagement and viewership is important but trying to be relevant and active on every single platform is not only exhausting but it’s also really difficult to maintain consistency. Once I get to a more solid place of making the money I need doing this as a job, perhaps I will post a “what not to do” article recounting all the mistakes I’ve made.

I think I’ve learned that YouTube is probably not the platform for me; I thrive on live streams, in writing, and short cosplay videos but the kind of content I am creating right now is just doesn’t lend itself to long YouTube videos. So, instead of trying to force it, I’ve cut back and am keeping my YouTube channel dormant until I need it for a specific project.

Something else that I’ve struggled with over these past couple months is creating my brand. It’s easy to put out content that you are proud of and enjoy doing, but it’s harder to be consistent when you don’t know what kind of vibe you’re trying to put out as a content creator yet. But after a multitude of mental breakdowns, hard work, and conversation I think I’ve finally figured out what my baseline is going to be.

I am a writer and cosplayer.

My blog features topics like: mental health, LGBTQ issues, and the millennial lifestyle; that is a brand that I can get behind. As a writer I am also working on additional projects that will be unveiled when they are completed.

My cosplays include both original characters and anime characters from some of my favorite shows; the platforms that I choose to exhibit this on are TikTok, Instagram, and I intend to start streaming on Twitch.

All that being said, thank you to anyone who has been supportive of me throughout this entire process and I hope that you continue to join me on this journey. I created a Patreon for anyone who wants to support the blog and cosplay content monthly for only $3/mo but a huge thank you to those of you who like and comment on my posts and follow me on social media. This is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while and the amount of support I’ve been getting has been very heartwarming and given me hope that I can actually have the career that I want in my life. I will link my social media and Patreon information below for anyone who wants to participate!

Thank you again everyone, I hope that 2020 will be the year of exciting content and engaging communities.

Instagram: @whoelsebutchels12

TikTok: @chelseahoel

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/chelseahoel

Twitch: twitch.tv/chelseahoel