For the longest time, I talked and joked with friends about getting a Groupon to go and get a Brazilian. We would make plans and even browse for coupons but never actually pulled the trigger. I don’t know why it was on my bucket list but for some reason it was. It probably had to do with the fact that I like being groomed, as a person, but I’m horrendously lazy. I absolutely hate it when my legs are hairy, not because society has told women that they should shave their legs, but just because I feel cleaner when they’re shaven.

That being said, I was always looking for something that would make my grooming journey easier. That all came to a head when I was gifted a Groupon for a Brazilian at a local salon. “Well shit.” I thought to myself, “Now I actually have to go.”

I forced my boyfriend to go with me because I was absolutely positive that it was going to be extremely painful and I needed moral support. However, in all my infinite wisdom, I forgot to take any kind of painkiller beforehand so I went in completely unprepared. Walking into the salon, it was sort of calming, obviously I was sweating and super nervous but being surrounded by all natural haircare products and spa music helped me calm down a little.

The woman who was going to do the waxing was the kindest and most helpful person I’ve ever interacted with in the beauty industry. She assured me that she’d been doing it forever (20 years to be exact) and was good at what she did. She told me that she wouldn’t lie, it was going to hurt, but we were just going to take it “one pull at a time”.

Now, I have a pretty high pain tolerance as far as pain tolerances go.

That was easily the single most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.

And it wasn’t like it was super painful for like 5 minutes or so and then it was over. No, this was excruciating for almost 30 full minutes. I tapped out while she was doing final clean up. My thoughts on the whole thing were, either it all comes out the first time or it doesn’t come out at all.

The recovery process was unpleasant and I was cranky for the rest of the day but all in all, that part wasn’t so bad. The actual process of the waxing was what made me homicidal. She asked me toward the end if I wanted to leave any type of “design” or “fancy whatever” and I looked her straight in the eyes and told her that I didn’t come this far not to just do it all. I’d suffered for 20 minutes already and I was going to make all that pain worth it so help me God.

After the initial recovery process, it was really nice, I’m not going to lie. But was it worth it?

Hell no.

Now, I’ve heard that it gets better if you keep up with it and I might have to test that theory because I feel obligated to see it through and I guess I also hate myself enough to go through it again. But if it’s anywhere near as painful as it was the first time, there is no way in hell I will ever go back.

If I had to give advice for anyone considering it, I would say:

• For the love of God please take Ibuprofen beforehand.
• Go somewhere with someone who knows what they’re doing. I can only imagine how unpleasant the whole situation would have been had I gone to someone who was new.
• Only do it if it’s a bucket list thing or if you really, really want to.

So in conclusion, am I glad I did it? Yes. Would I make the same choice if I knew how painful it would be? Absolutely not. Am I going to go back to see if it’s still as painful the second time? Perhaps.